Prepare yourself. The Holiday Season is Coming.

I am not ready for this. There are literally like eight weeks left of this decade. Decade, people, decade.

Why does the end of the year goes so freaking fast? It’s ridiculous. After July, we are getting the kids ready for school. Labor Day means getting your grill and drink on. And then BOOM! Just like that, it’s Halloween and buying candy and costumes. Thanksgiving rolls around the corner with turkey. The next day the tree is up and presents are wrapped and unwrapped in the same day. Then more boom. Fireworks and champagne and then the rest of winter is a great big gray bucket of suck.

I’m done. What the hell? Who came up with this plan? Did anybody stop to think maybe they should spread this out?

This is already a super stressful year for us here. We bought a new house. And we moved in October. That didn’t leave me a lot of options in decorating for Halloween. And that alone is depressing.

Now that we live with my mother-in-law – or she lives with us, however you want to put it – everyone is coming to my house for the holidays from now on. I might have a legitimate break down. Oh, wait I already did. Literally so stressed out my body broke out into hives. Had to go get meds. Had to go see a doctor. Spent $100 at the freaking Doctor. You tell me that’s not stressful. A hundred dollars! Are you kidding me? Around the holiday season? Freaking hell. That could have bought half of Thanksgiving dinner.

I still got tombstones in my freaking front yard. I got skulls and skeletons still in my living room and I’m supposed to be thinking about how many cups of mashed potatoes I will need for a small army. My mother always said to marry an orphan. I’m seeing the sense in that. Financially at least. My husband doesn’t even really have that big of a family but damn these people can eat.

I mean that’s the whole point of Thanksgiving, right? I’m super stoked about Thanksgiving. I’m really excited to have Thanksgiving dinner in my house. I mean that’s like a huge adulting accomplishment. I’m making the turkey and being responsible and having everything perfect. It’s the stuff they make some Hallmark movies out of, right?

I really am excited about this but, I have a strong amount anxiety.

There’s so much more awesome. I get to switch from my normal regular anxiety to my seasonal anxiety. Fan-freaking-tastic. I’m also going from normal regular depression to seasonal affective disorder. Because you know there’s not enough going on.

Why they can’t spread these holidays out? We all know that Jesus was not born in December. They’re pretty sure he was born in August. I propose that we spread these holidays out. That would help my wallet, my brain, and my waistline. We need to make Christmas in August.

Hear me out on this hear me out on this, okay? It would be much better. You would have Christmas in August before the kids go back to school. Get the kids in school. September we do Labor Day. October we have Halloween. Thanksgiving in November and New Year’s Eve in December. Everything spreads itself out. Everything’s easily figured out. There’s no stress, no mess.

I think we should make this a thing. We also need to abolish Daylight savings time. It doesn’t make any damn sense anymore. Farmers know when the hell to wake up. And it’s not based on a rooster. Roosters don’t know how to Tell time. They don’t only Crow when the Sun is up. Trust me. We have one down the road from us. That dumb son of a bitch crows at midnight.

I have to admit though I am excited to have everyone at the house. I’m a big fan of decorating and I’m a big fan of cooking. I love baking. Oh, my Gosh. I love baking. Let me tell you what I just bought. I just bought the Chip and Joanna twenty four in one cookie cutter. Let me tell you about this thing. It has multiple designs on it. It’s got twenty-four separate designs of cookies on it. You just roll your cookie dough out, put your cutter on the dough and boom twenty four cookies. I’m just so excited because I am the cookie Queen at Christmas. So yeah, this sucker will show up at my house. It’ll be at my house on Wednesday. You can bet some baking will happen this weekend. Here’s where you can get one. And no, I make no money off this.

The thing I’m excited the most for I’d have to say is standard operating American; it will be the food: eating It, sharing it, all about the food.

So, I’d like to hear from you. What are you most excited about with the holiday season approaching? Are you a Bah Humbug? Do you dig Thanksgiving? Are you weird like my husband and won’t eat turkey so we have to have ham? Are you more of Christmas, Hanukkah, whatever winter holiday you celebrate? Do you like to give the stuff, making stuff, eating stuff? What is it about the holidays you like the most?

I want to hear from you so leave a comment below. Don’t forget to like, subscribe, share.

That’s all I’ve got for today, Trainwreck, all aboard.