What’s my motivation?

It’s not that I’m lazy. I just do things on my own terms and time. Like a sloth. Or corgi.

It’s a natural reaction really. The things I put off tend to cause discomfort. Those things usually involve getting off the couch.

What makes it interesting is that at work I’m completely focused, dedicated, and pushing to get the job done. I know what needs to get done and I know how to make that happen.

Phone time. Short calls. Targeted monitors. Regular monitors. Reports. Boom. Done. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. I guess you could say I’m motivated by keeping my job and having a paycheck.
One of the things that motivated me to take the position I’m in was the prospect of free coffee and private bathrooms. No lie. Free coffee.

All the coffee. And because of that coffee thank gods for the bathrooms. Clean. Quiet. Less likely to make you wish you were hard of smelling.

As a mother of teens and former daycare teacher, I can tell you I’ve smelled things that would make your nose run off your face. Put those things on steroids and you have my work bathroom.I absolutely want to do whatever it takes to be able to keep using that good HR bathroom. It’s a brief respite from the noise and crowd. Who would have thought a toilet could do so much?

All the go getter speed takes its toll. Too bad I don’t have exact change. By time I get home all I want to do is sleep or at least, curl up in a quiet, dark room with a book and some tea. Or wine.

Probably wine. Which is a problem because I have 3 kids and a husband who need a responsible adult to cook dinner and interact with.

The interaction can be hard enough. I work in a call center. Loud. Talking. Crowded. Bright. Sensory overload. All day. Every day. I need some time. I need mommy time. And yet, here are my kids – whom I love – wanting, needing, and deserving of my attention.

I can handle the conversations about what happend in class. The ones that kill my soul are the hour long talks about YouTube videos or anime episodes or people I have no clue about.

It took me 45 minutes to realize my bonus kid was talking about a cartoon character and not a kid she rides the bus with.

Sundays tend to be my big push day. That’s when I binge watch episodes of “Hoarders” to get me to run the Roombas and get laundry going.

It’s like a scared straight program for people with motivation problems. “Pick up that cup or you’ll end up like this.” Nooooooooo!!!!!

I want to be better. More energy. Less hermity. My motivation is to be more motivated. I just need to motivate to find my motivation. I just need to finish this chapter in “The Secret Lives of Witches” first.