2020 is my year! This is the year I’m getting it! Out with negative. In with positive.
Literally, my entire news feed on all of my social media. OK. Not all. Sprinkle some world war 3 memes and panic in there and you’ve got it.
Like many of my friends, I made resolutions. Promises, more than anything. Because, let’s face it, by February I’m back into my old patterns.
I had a list of about twenty things I wanted to work on. So far, I’ve succeeded at reading more books, drinking more water, and meal planning. Meditation? Keep falling asleep. Walking more? It’s cold and the air hurts my face. Write more? After I read this chapter. And wash this load of laundry. And walk the dog. Oh look, bedtime.
I think I need to focus on letting go of things before I add to my life. Gotta make room, right?
Now, I’m not going all Marie Kondo. In fact, we’ve decluttered a lot since we moved. The $1700 mortgage keeps us from buying a lot of extraneous stuff to bring in. Plus, I dont have a lot of clothes that need to be gotten rid of. And keep your paws off my books, you damned clean organizer lady.
Instead, I’m letting go or emotional baggage and other people’s expectations and opinions of me.
I’m letting go of trying to be perfect. Hell, I’m letting go of trying to be normal. I’m 42. I am the answer to life, the universe, everything. That means, negative opinions about my life and choices are neither desired nor required.
I’m letting go for my emotional and mental health. I’m tired. Tired of trying to reach the unattainable status of Pinterest perfect. I’m embracing that I will never be Donna Reed or June Cleaver.
I’m a train wreck. Loud and proud. Unapologetically.
I will continue to try. I will continue to fail. But I will no longer let anyone make me feel bad for it. I beat myself up bad enough. I dont need anyone’s help. I don’t need a flock of Karens telling me how much of a fuck up I am. I know, Karen.
But, instead of hiding my head in the sand, I’m here to proclaim, “I’m a glorious train wreck!”
I will live this year to the fullest of my capabilities and let go. Let go of fear, anxiety, pressure, and perfection.
I’m Elsa, baby. Just let it go.