So, tomorrow is Bunny’s birthday. And for her 17th birthday, I decided to make a cake. She wanted a cookie cake. And she loves cactuses, cacti, cactusses. She digs succulents. Me being me I figured how hard could it be.
Let me state for the record, I am an idiot sandwich that doesn’t know my own limitations. And I grossly overestimate my own abilities.
Now, I could have gone to the mall and ordered a cactus shaped cookie cake. But why buy it for twenty bucks when I can buy fifty dollars worth of supplies and destroy my kitchen in the process.
I did think how I could make it easier for myself. Because the video I watched had you making the cookie. Like, no. Seriously, I worked all day. I still gotta eat dinner. My sciatica has been acting up all week. So yeah, no. Betty Crocker don’t live here. But, I still wanna look like a mom that gives a damn.
Thank Walmart for these.
Father’s Day cookies two weeks before Father’s Day. Yum. I got two of them.
I found this and used it for a template.
I scraped the icing off. My Goddess, the icing was so dry and crumbly and yikes with a capital Why?
I mixed all that up and added some white frosting. And got cement gray. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I think I can do these things?
I cut the shape out using a butter knife. Because who in their right mind would give me an actual tool capable of cutting? Then I piped icing all over. All over. All. Over.
I cut the second one the same way. You know, odd, uneven, vaguely phallic, and slightly resembling being flipped off.
Once over with icing.
And once more to fill in the lines I missed.
And now to add things that look like they could kill you. And it’s done.
I totally saved the left over cookie because let’s face it: my body is not one that was built by throwing out cookies.
If you make a cookie cake, please share. I can guarantee you can’t do any worse than this.