Sliding again

Can I be real a second? For just a millisecond? Like my guard down and tell you how I feel for just a second?
I’m in it. Right now. Have been for about 2 weeks. It’s getting harder and harder to function. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t went to get off the couch. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to be around anyone. Including family.
I have a book coming out. I haven’t done any marketing or promotion. I haven’t started outlining my next one. I haven’t read in a few days.
And inevitably, the question comes up. What are you depressed for? Why are you depressed? The fuck I know! Like, please, don’t ask that. Because there is so much guilt that comes with it. I have a good job, with benefits. A warm house with food. A good family. My bills are paid.
Like, thanks for helping me feel like an ungrateful hag.
I know that’s not your intention. You’re trying to help. At least, I hope you’re trying to help. Like if you see someone drowning please don’t step on their head. Unless it’s Hitler. Riverdance on his head.
My husband gets it. And I’m super grateful for him. He offers, checks on me, and lets me do my thing. If I start going too far, then he steps in.
I’m a big fan of self care. But sometimes, self care means feeling the big feels. Let yourself feel them. It’s ok.
For just getting through today, I’m proud of you.