Please don’t wait until I can’t do it anymore

Stress is a natural part of life. I get that. When you have anxiety, your stress is multiplied. You stress about things before you know why you’re stressing out. It’s ridiculous. I hate I can’t control my anxiety. I want to just let go and not worry, but that’s impossible.

I feel like I’m constantly carrying this mental load. It’s too much for me to handle on my own. I need help, but I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems.

And it’s normal for moms to have higher stress levels. I read an article that spoke about being the primary parent. That’s the parent that does everything. And how exhausting it is being that person.

Being the only one that can handle things is tiring. I’m tired of always being the strong one. I need a break.

Moms have a lot of responsibilities, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. There are so many things to juggle and it’s hard to know where to start. It’s important to take some time for yourself. It’s OK to not be OK. It’s ok to not be that mom. That’s what they say.

I am 100% that mom. And I am 200% that exhausted.

I’m tired of pretending like everything is OK. I’m tired of putting on a brave face for my kids. I’m tired of pretending that I can do it all.

I need help. Someone needs to share the load with me. I need someone to tell me it’s going to be OK.

Let me give you a rundown. I wake up early so I can write, have some time to myself, take care of the dog, do laundry. My husband and son wake up at 7. I pick out my son’s outfit, pack his lunch, get myself dressed, brush teeth, get son to brush teeth, pack my lunch, sometimes I get my husband’s lunch together, pack my son’s backpack, put the dog in her crate. My husband gets himself ready. I also try to remember to grab my charger and badge for work and my water bottle. I head out the door at 7:15. I work until 5. I make dinner, bathe my son, put him to bed, do more laundry, sometimes get myself a snack. I’m in bed by 9.

I feel like I’m constantly juggling and I’m not sure if anyone is getting enough attention.

I’ve been menu planning to avoid frustration coming home and having to stop at the store and still cook dinner. So, sometimes I start dinner in the crock pot and others I pull what I need out to have it ready when we get home.

I’ve been using my Google Calendar religiously to make sure I’m not double booked with anything and to remember everything that I need to do.

I’m trying to take care of myself, but it feels like there’s not enough time in the day.

This is just in my house stress. Outside of the home, I work. I manage the 3rd highest grossing customer for my company. I am the Go-To person. All their repairs, requests, and inspections are set up through me. Emergency sprinkler repair? I’m on it. Alarms going off for no reason? I’ll get a tech out ASAP. On top of daily and weekly updates on top priority jobs.

I feel like I’m constantly running and getting nowhere. I’ve been trying to take care of myself by eating better and working out, but it’s not enough.

I know I’m not alone in this.

There are millions of moms out there who are juggling work and home life, trying to make it make work. But that’s all it seems like is work. It’s literally like having a second full-time job.

All of this is taking its toll. And I don’t have exact change. I have broken out in hives. Head to toe. Bright red, swollen, itchy. It’s like a sunburn, mosquito bites, and ants crawling on me all at once. I lost two days of work. I paid a hundred bucks at the walk-in clinic to hear I’m stressed out. Olly Goodbye Stress is something I started taking. And that’s helped with the daily panic attacks I had for over two weeks. I’m not back to my old self, but I’m better.

I’m not the only one this is happening to. 1 in 4 moms report extreme stress. We’re trying to do it all, and we’re burning out.

The mental load of being a mom is like having an extra full-time job on our plates. And our plates are already too full. Here’s the thing. I didn’t know I was stressed out. This was what I thought was normal. I was so stressed out I didn’t know how bad it was. That is a whole new level of stress for me.

I’m not saying that we should stop doing all the things we’re doing. I’m saying that we need to manage our stress so that it doesn’t take over our lives. We need to find time for ourselves. We need to find time to relax and recharge.

The first step is admitting that we have a problem. My problem is that I don’t like to admit I have a problem. I can do it all. I have always had to do it all on my own And I will continue to do so. Even if it kills me. Which it might. Because stress is a killer.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. It is possible to manage our stress. We can take care of ourselves. We can relax and recharge. It’s difficult, but it is possible.

We just need to start with one step at a time. So please don’t wait until your body decides it’s time for you to take a break. That could be one unpayable hospital bill.

And it’s not all my husband’s fault. I know I have some control issues. I feel like if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. Part of that is because I’ve seen it firsthand. Part of that is mom’s life, mom’s guilt, mom’s role in society.

Mental load is a real thing. We carry the weight of everything in our heads. It’s the worry, and the stress, and the to-do list that never seems to end. It’s the feeling that we can’t possibly do it all.

I know I need to step down and allow my family to step up. But t’s easier said than done. I’ve been doing this for so long. It’s who I am. Part of me feels like if I can’t do it, then I’m not worth anything.

I know that isn’t true, but it’s hard to shake that feeling. Especially when it’s all I’ve known for so long.