5 Tips for Making Your Second Marriage Work

If you’ve been following me for a bit, you know I’m on my second trip on the marriage go round. It’ll be 10 years this June. This is also my husband’s second marriage. According to Dr. Phil, we are destined for divorce. That’s comforting. So, how have we kept this going so long? Keep reading.

Communicate openly and honestly:

Communication is key in any relationship, but it is especially important in a second marriage where past experiences may have left emotional scars.

  1. Speak up, don’t stew: When something’s bothering you, let your partner know in a calm and non-confrontational way.
  2. Listen with both ears: It’s not just about talking, it’s about truly hearing what your partner is saying too.
  3. Share the load: Communication is a two-way street, and it’s important for both partners to take an active role in keeping the lines of communication open.
  4. Don’t hold grudges: If you’ve had a disagreement, don’t let it fester. Work through it together and move forward.
  5. Laugh and love: Lighten the mood with a bit of humor and always, always make time to show your love and affection for each other.

Work on trust:

Building trust takes time, effort and a commitment to being open and transparent with one another.

  1. Keep your promises: Do what you say you’re going to do, and follow through on commitments to your partner.
  2. Share openly and honestly: The more open and honest you are with your partner, the more trust you’ll build.
  3. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt: Trust is a two-way street, so start by giving your partner the benefit of the doubt when they make a mistake.
  4. Let the past be the past: If your previous marriage ended badly, don’t bring old baggage into your new relationship. Start fresh and build trust from the ground up.
  5. Be patient: Building trust takes time and effort, so be patient and don’t expect it to happen overnight. Just keep working at it, and you’ll get there!

Respect each other’s individuality:

Recognize and appreciate the differences between you and your spouse, rather than trying to change them.

  1. Embrace the differences: Your partner is unique and different from you, and that’s a good thing! Embrace the differences and learn to appreciate them.
  2. Don’t try to change your partner: You married your partner for who they are, so don’t try to change them into someone they’re not.
  3. Celebrate each other’s strengths: Focus on the things your partner does well, and celebrate their strengths.
  4. Support each other’s passions: If your partner has a hobby or interest that they’re passionate about, encourage and support them in pursuing it.
  5. Give each other space: It’s important to have some individual time and space, so give each other the freedom to pursue your own interests and passions.

Establish clear boundaries:

Define what is and isn’t acceptable behavior within your relationship, and stick to these boundaries.

  1. Be clear and specific: Be clear about what behaviors are and aren’t acceptable in your relationship, and make sure your partner understands.
  2. Stick to the boundaries: Once you’ve established the boundaries, it’s important to stick to them and hold each other accountable.
  3. Communicate regularly: Regularly check in with your partner to make sure the boundaries are still working for both of you, and adjust as needed.
  4. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries: It’s okay to set boundaries and protect yourself and your relationship, even if it means saying no to things you used to do.
  5. Respect each other’s boundaries: Just as you expect your partner to respect your boundaries, make sure you respect theirs as well.

Address past emotional baggage:

If either of you have children from a previous relationship, it’s important to address any lingering feelings and work through them together.

  1. Talk it out: If either of you have children from a previous relationship, it’s important to talk openly and honestly about any lingering feelings or emotional baggage.
  2. Be understanding: Try to understand your partner’s perspective, and be patient as they work through their feelings.
  3. Work together: Work together to address any issues and find solutions that work for everyone.
  4. Be a team: When it comes to co-parenting, it’s important to be a team and support each other, rather than trying to do it all on your own.
  5. Focus on the future: While it’s important to address any past emotional baggage, try to keep your focus on the future and building a happy and healthy relationship together.

I hope these help you to being well on your way to creating a strong and loving relationship in your second marriage.


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