The Glorious Train Wreck Mom

This is a safe space for all train wrecks. Except here, we don't give you a puppy and a latte. We give you sarcasm and humor.

I can already see the look on your face. I can hear what you’re thinking. Yes, I’m married. Yes, I have kids. Yes, I’m old. So, what. The whole point of books and reading is to escape reality for a little bit.

Holy mother of where is the year going!!!! It’s Thanksgiving?! When did this happen? How did this happen? It was just Halloween and now I have a turkey in my oven and Santa breathing down my neck. Are you kidding me? Make it stop! It’s going too fast!

It happens this week. And I know you’re thinking about the turkey, cranberry sauce, and if your sister in law will insist on bringing those rotten deviled eggs. Have you forgotten anything?
How about the kids?

It’s happening. Thanksgiving is barreling down on us faster than a wind whipped Macy’s parade balloon. Soon, your house will be invaded by members of your own family. It’s enough to make an introverted train wreck hide in the bathroom. But you can’t do that. You promised to cook and bake and put on a Thanksgiving dinner that would make Martha Stewart chartreuse with envy.

Turkey time is approaching. Did you get your turkey yet? We’ll probably take our turkey out of the freezer on Sunday. My mother in law said the lady on the TV said you need to thaw it one day for every pound. With as big as this bird is I should have taken it out at Halloween. Why is the turkey so big? Because I should have listened to my mother and married an orphan.

Are you short on time and need some Thanksgiving shortcuts? Are you new to all of this preparation and have no idea where to begin? Here are some simple time-saving tips and suggestions to aid you if you’re a newbie. I’m certain you’ll be able to pull off Thanksgiving dinner. Even if you find yourself asking, “Um. Why is it only two weeks to Thanksgiving? I still have bags of candy from my kids. I mean, from taking my kids Trick or Treating. And we are going to have a house full of my husband’s family. Again.” Jenny is one of my unofficial mentors. She has been through it. This is worth a read for anyone who has been told to smile more.

Um, why is this turkey shy? Is it afraid to sneeze and pee? The best seasoning. Butter. Two sticks. One rubbed on the skin and placed under the skin and one up its butt. Why does it look weird? Holy crap, I almost left the bag of guts in it. Gotta cover it up. I …

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