I’m A Diesel Engine

Here’s how my day started.

I had nightmares about my ex and my dad.
Woke up with a migraine.
Found the publisher I was looking into can’t be Googled.
Realized I still have 2 large skein of yarn on Billie Bunnie’s moss blanket.
And I heard my cat puking in my mother in law’s living room and can’t find where.
And I had another weekend emergency from work. This one wasn’t the normal “a resident pulled an alarm..” This was a whole stove fire, gas fueled, fire department called out kind of emergency. Meaning I had to call the service manager for that area knowing he bought a house and was moving this weekend. I woke this guy up. As part of my job, I need to monitor it. Hourly. And send updates to the corporate managers and my managers. Hourly.

Is it too early for wine?

Pause. Reset.

Is my day ruined?
I’m having a rough start. Like a diesel engine on a cold day. Today, i just need more time to warm up.
If my meds don’t work, I’ll take it as a sign I need to take care of myself and stay in the cold, dark, quiet bedroom.
If the meds work, then I will prepare tombstones and spider egg sacs. Since I’m stuck at my computer, I will write. I will edit. I will research. I will make bread. I will read. I will throw some rows on the blanket. I may even do laundry. I will definitely take a nap.
But what I will not do is let a rough (not bad, just challenging) few events define my day.
I will do my coffee self talk. I will try myself kindly with compassion and grace. And I will have a better rest of my day.

I hope you are kind to yourself. Because sometimes, you’re the only one you have. Wrap yourself in a blanket. Wrap yourself in a hug. Wrap your hands around a warm mug of your favorite hot beverage. And let the warm and kind and gentle reach into your heart.

I love you. I’m proud of you. You’re worth it.


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