I’m A Diesel Engine

Here’s how my day started.

I had nightmares about my ex and my dad.
Woke up with a migraine.
Found the publisher I was looking into can’t be Googled.
Realized I still have 2 large skein of yarn on Billie Bunnie’s moss blanket.
And I heard my cat puking in my mother in law’s living room and can’t find where.
And I had another weekend emergency from work. This one wasn’t the normal “a resident pulled an alarm..” This was a whole stove fire, gas fueled, fire department called out kind of emergency. Meaning I had to call the service manager for that area knowing he bought a house and was moving this weekend. I woke this guy up. As part of my job, I need to monitor it. Hourly. And send updates to the corporate managers and my managers. Hourly.

Is it too early for wine?

Pause. Reset.

Is my day ruined?
Nah.
I’m having a rough start. Like a diesel engine on a cold day. Today, i just need more time to warm up.
If my meds don’t work, I’ll take it as a sign I need to take care of myself and stay in the cold, dark, quiet bedroom.
If the meds work, then I will prepare tombstones and spider egg sacs. Since I’m stuck at my computer, I will write. I will edit. I will research. I will make bread. I will read. I will throw some rows on the blanket. I may even do laundry. I will definitely take a nap.
But what I will not do is let a rough (not bad, just challenging) few events define my day.
I will do my coffee self talk. I will try myself kindly with compassion and grace. And I will have a better rest of my day.

I hope you are kind to yourself. Because sometimes, you’re the only one you have. Wrap yourself in a blanket. Wrap yourself in a hug. Wrap your hands around a warm mug of your favorite hot beverage. And let the warm and kind and gentle reach into your heart.

I love you. I’m proud of you. You’re worth it.

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